uncertainty is bliss.

i have done a lot of thinking these past few days, about my life, how I want it to be, how my folks want it to be, my work, studies, and yes, about my love-reflected-on-this-blog kind of lablayp. i wanted to start on something/somewhere, that would somehow allow me to focus on certain things. the 6 months i've been at work is all but a blur. not that it's been the monotonous type, it's just that i never really figured something concrete for myself during these time frame. trabaho, kain, tulog. sure, had a few times to buy myself a book to read and somehow widen my literary appreciation and pound some knowledge on my sleep-deprived self, but i just missed those times when i would be cramming and be overloaded with readings, research and what not. damn, i am even having a hard time to be coherent and sensible in this entry. intelligence lapses? tangnang 'yan.

now, i'm going back to school, and still very unsure on where and how i start. my folks and brothers are all putting pressure on my back to finish college, but i just can't rush things, particularly college. hell, i'm not even sure if i'd be back in my college. damn that probi status and financial turmoil. maybe another 2 years for me. or 3. and i know that my folks and siblings won't like the possibilities. no worries, have no plans of telling them. i'm too old for that shit. i'll handle this myself.

the band. wait, there's no more band. at least for me, for now. i'll see come second sem, when i get to meet with Tet and plan our acoustic folk rock shit with gino (and others who'll be interested to join in the fun). foodsworth? best band ever in my book (malamang). but i know we just can't move on. so many things we had to go through, and i just feel we had enough. of ourselves, of our misgivings. but for the record, i had the one of the best time of my life during our run. but i really think it's time for us to move on. a reunion gig is always great, and who knows, we still might end up playing with a few additions in our band roster. but not now.

again, on moving on. i wanted to thank her for what happened (see previous post). i have always been this guy who tends to, well, not really rush, say, be spontaneous, impulsive, on things that involves the matters of the ehem, heart. or maybe i'm just sad. no. this is not to say i am not serious on such situations. will never be this way if i had been otherwise. maybe i was just never good at timing. damn, i sucked at that. but thanks to that, it allowed me to think things over and somehow fix whatever was left of us after that night. hehe. so much for that. we're ok now. yes, and i'm not bitter about it (no more hirit here). hehe.

again, moving on.

i'm looking forward to baguio. never been to baguio. and i never thought that my first reason to visit baguio would be of someone that made me act like a kid whenever we have these conversations over the celphone.

this is again another case of my impulsiveness acting up, but hey, who cares? this is the first time that i plan to go to some far off place for someone and i'm not going to pass. bahala na si batman. i know a lot of things are still uncertain, and this is a freaking risk, but hey, what else is new? as for me now, MY UNCERTAINTY IS BLISS. I just can't think of being here and not having the chance to see her smile the way she does and shows that "crinkled" look and hear her say "hmmm" with utter glow in her eyes. and if i do fall from baguio back to manila...well, let's not think of that. bad vibes, bad vibes.

haaay, naku. thinking of baguio never felt this good.